Throughout my life, as I struggled with the negative thoughts that went through my mind, I felt like I couldn't tell anyone about them. I was afraid everyone would be disappointed in me. I was disappointed in myself for those thoughts.
Over the past year and a half, as things started getting worse, I finally decided I needed to face my fears and tell my husband what was going on. I had kept everything bottled up inside me for so long, it was hard to finally open up and share with him the thoughts and feelings I had running through my mind. That huge fear of disappointment loomed over me. However, I finally mustered up the courage to tell my husband how I was feeling inside. The amazing part was, after I told him, HE STILL LOVED ME!! in fact, he loved me more than he ever did before.
The greatest part of all this is that since that day, the lines of communication have opened up more than ever before. I don't feel like I need to hide from him all the crazy thoughts that go through my mind. We talk about so many more things then we ever could before. It has been such a huge blessing.
I have been blessed with the most amazing, understanding husband. He has stood by me through this entire trial. He has listened intently to all the thoughts I have shared with him. He has put up with my bad days, laughed with me through my crazy days, and loved me through all of it. I never could have fought this battle without him. My love for him has grown by leaps and bounds since I stopped hiding this from him.
When I look back on it, I don't understand why I was worried about disappointing others. I would never be disappointed to hear one of my family members tell me about the negative thoughts they struggle with. NEVER! I would only love them more. It's amazing how the mind can convince us of things that aren't really true.
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