Unique Temptations

Recently in Sunday School, someone suggested that we all have our own temptations. Those temptations are as unique as we are and are tailored to our specific weaknesses. I truly believe that. I believe that Satan knows our weaknesses and the best way to tempt us. He knows that he will never get me to smoke a cigarette, that just won't happen. He knows there is no reason to tempt me with that because that is not my weakness. However I firmly believe he is taking full advantage of the chemical problems going on in my brain. He knows they are my weakness and he is trying his hardest to customize his temptations for me.

In Ether 12:27 it says:

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weaknesses. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

So the cool part in all this is even though Satan knows our weaknesses and tailors our temptations to them, the Lord has power to fix that! If we humble ourselves and have faith, He can take those weaknesses and make them stronger. He can make those weaknesses become stronger so that Satan cannot easily tempt us because of those weaknesses. All the more reason to turn to our Heavenly Father and our Savior when the worst temptations and trials come along.

Become a Pioneer

pi-o-neer:
1. A person who is among the first to explore or settle a new country or area

2. A person who is among the first to research and develop a new area of knowledge or activity

Being that Pioneer Day is this coming week, the talks in church today were on pioneers. As I sat and listened to those talks, I realized that all of us can be pioneers in our own lives and families. There is something every one of us can contribute to our families that makes us a pioneer. Thinking about that today helped me understand, that through this blog and through my having bipolar, I have a great opportunity to be a pioneer to myself, my family, and hopefully others. I am learning so many new things through this trial in my life and I have loved the opportunity to share them with family and friends. In some ways I feel like I'm paving the way for others, perhaps my own children. I pray that none of my children or descendants ever face the struggles that having bipolar can bring. However, bipolar is hereditary. While I can't prevent them from facing this in their own lives, I can be a "pioneer" in my family in helping them to understand bipolar and how to keep fighting.

Also, while I pondered on pioneers, I realized that Christ is the greatest pioneer of us all.  He has done everything for us, He has paved the way for us to follow. His perfect example directs us on the path to return to our Father in Heaven. His atonement gives us the power to get back on that path when we fall off. His resurrection guarantees that all of us will also be resurrected. I can think of no better "pioneer" in my life. I am so grateful for the great pioneer that our Savior is to all of us.

Courage to Accept

In a recent Sacrament meeting we sang As Now we take the Sacrament. The words "and silently we pray for courage to accept thy will" really stuck out to me. I have really struggled with accepting that what I have is bipolar. I have tried to convince myself and others that this is anything but bipolar. However, in reality deep inside I know that all the evidence points to that diagnosis. That doesn't make it easy to swallow. As I pondered on the words in that song I realized that I need to pray more to have the COURAGE to accept that what I am going through is what Heavenly Father wants. I need to accept that He is using this to refine me and make me stronger, but it is still so hard to accept. Accepting all of this takes a huge amount of COURAGE on my part.

• Courage to accept that maybe I'm not as perfect as I want to be 
• Courage to accept that I am not as perfect as everyone thinks I am
• Courage to accept that I cannot control everything that goes on with me
• Courage to accept Heavenly Father's way of helping us to grow
• Courage to accept what my doctor says I need to be doing
• Courage to accept that I really cannot do this on my own

When it comes down to it, life requires courage. The best way to gain that courage is through prayer.

It's a Team Sport

Life is not an individual sporting event, it's a not a race to see how fast you can go on your own. Life was never intended to be done by one person alone. From the beginning of time the Lord knew it was not good for man to be alone.  We cannot make it through life without the help of others. That fact has REALLY hit me lately. I really can't do this all alone, especially on those days when all I want is to be left alone. Heavenly Father has blessed us with family and friends to help pull us through the tough times. At the same time, we can bless others through their tough times as well. Life is without question a TEAM SPORT. We all have to work together to make it through.

As I thought about that concept I realized that Heavenly Father has blessed us with some fabulous teammates. I have my entire family I can turn to in a heart beat and any one of them would be there to help me with whatever I need most. I also have so many friends and amazing visiting teachers that are also more than willing to help me through this. I am SO grateful Heavenly Father gave us each other to help us through.

One thing I have felt is integral in fighting through this battle with bipolar is to build a "support team" of 2-3 people. I originally started out with two people, my wonderful husband and an amazing sister-in-law (AKA sister). I knew I could turn to them at any time. They encouraged me to start seeing a counselor, they listened to everything I had to say, they gave advice they felt would help me the most. Then after a few months Heavenly Father blessed me with another incredible friend to add to my "support team". All of them have helped me to see that I am still loved, that I really can pull through. They tell me "you got this".  They keep reminding me that yes, I really do need to keep taking the meds, even when I don't think I need them anymore. They have laughed at/with me on my super great days and they've been there with me during my worst moments. I NEVER could have pulled through this without them.

The most important member of my support team is our Savior, Jesus Christ. With Him on my side, the fight becomes much more bearable. When I think of all He has done for me, I begin to realize that if He could keep going then I can do it too. I know He knows how I feel inside. He has provided me comfort and peace when I've needed it most. I owe everything to Him.

We are all so blessed to have so many teammates to help us through life. That alone shows me how much Heavenly Father loves us, He didn't send us here all alone.

Be Honest and Open

The first day my husband dragged me to see a counselor, I was so nervous and didn't know how I could possibly tell her what had been running through my mind.  It was hard enough to tell my husband, how could I ever tell a stranger about all that? However, the more I visited with her, the more I realized that she really could help me. Talking to a counselor has been so helpful and I have learned many new things about myself and how to be a better person.

I have found two things that are so important when visiting with my counselor and psychiatrist: Be honest and be open. My counselor and my doctor are there to help me get better. The best way for them to help me is if I tell them what I am thinking and how I am feeling.  Hiding things from them only makes the process harder and longer. They are both here to help me and are on my side...even when I think everyone is against me. They really do want to help, but they can only work with what they are given.