Hold on for the Ride

Today I thought I'd share with you a little example of how all of this bipolar roller coaster feels for me. So, here we go.

Depressed - When I'm down at the bottom it's like the lights are all off, more than just off -- it's pitch black. This deep, dark feeling comes over me and life feels worthless. I feel in total despair. It's a feeling that aches inside. It's a feeling that I want to get rid of but no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to do it. I cling on to anyone or anything that I think might pull me out. Sometimes I feel like I wear people out with how much I turn to them for help. Everything in my life seems negative, I feel like a complete pessimist. It's a hard stage to be in and  hard to explain to others. It's so much worse than just a bad day and it seems like it will never end.

Normal - During the "normal" times it feels like the lights are on. Going from depression to normal feels like a ray of sunshine has come into my life. I feel joy and happiness. Laughter comes easy. I love to play with my boys and tease them. I am full of HOPE! The despair and darkness are gone. It's an incredibly wonderful, peaceful feeling. It's a welcome relief from the depressing feelings. Life is worth living! I can actually write a post like this because I can see life as wonderful.

Hypomanic - Honestly, this is my FAVORITE mood. It's like I'm at a dance party with the music blasting, the lights spinning, everybody dancing. It's great and it can go on for days and I don't get tired. I LOVE it! When I'm down I think back on those hypomanic times and wish they would come back. I feel like I can do anything. I can solve the world's problems. Right now as I type this I still wonder what's so bad about the hypomanic phase. Yeah I feel a little out of control, but it's fun! Shopping is fun (which is incredible because I really don't like going shopping). I work on cool house projects and get TONS done. The problem is, from the view of my husband, it causes the depression to kick in. But oh it feels great!