Out of Love

It seems to me that I'm being reminded a lot that "we're doing this out of love". I think it's a phrase I need to learn to accept. I'm pushed a little harder to take new medications....out of love. I'm encouraged to keep going...out of love. I'm persuaded to talk to my doctor...again...out of love. So many things have happened that all remind me how much others love me and care. Yes, there are some days that I think the last reason someone is pushing me along is out of love. How could someone who loves me encourage me to do something that seems near impossible? How could they encourage me to do something when they don't understand how I feel at all. But in reality, when I step back and look, they are truly cheering me on. They can see things from a different point of view. They love me and know what I can become and they know I can conquer this. I just need to remember that it's all out of love. I need to be patient when my friend reminds me to fight back. I need to be patient when my doctor suggests a new medication to try. I need to be patient when my husband asks how I'm really doing then gives me the look because he already knows. They aren't conspiring against me...even though some days it really feels like it...in reality they love me and they want to help me.

I think our Heavenly Father is the same way. Everything He does for us is out of love. Everything He expects of us is out of love. He sees who we can become. He knows where we have been and He knows where we are going. He knows our potential. He understands how we feel and yet he still sees our potential. He loves us so much that He gives us trials, to help us grow and...because He loves us!

They will still love you...

Throughout my life, as I struggled with the negative thoughts that went through my mind, I felt like I couldn't tell anyone about them. I was afraid everyone would be disappointed in me. I was disappointed in myself for those thoughts.

Over the past year and a half, as things started getting worse, I finally decided I needed to face my fears and tell my husband what was going on. I had kept everything bottled up inside me for so long, it was hard to finally open up and share with him the thoughts and feelings I had running through my mind. That huge fear of disappointment loomed over me. However, I finally mustered up the courage to tell my husband how I was feeling inside. The amazing part was, after I told him, HE STILL LOVED ME!! in fact, he loved me more than he ever did before.

The greatest part of all this is that since that day, the lines of communication have opened up more than ever before. I don't feel like I need to hide from him all the crazy thoughts that go through my mind. We talk about so many more things then we ever could before. It has been such a huge blessing.

I have been blessed with the most amazing, understanding husband. He has stood by me through this entire trial. He has listened intently to all the thoughts I have shared with him. He has put up with my bad days, laughed with me through my crazy days, and loved me through all of it. I never could have fought this battle without him. My love for him has grown by leaps and bounds since I stopped hiding this from him.

When I look back on it, I don't understand why I was worried about disappointing others. I would never be disappointed to hear one of my family members tell me about the negative thoughts they struggle with. NEVER! I would only love them more. It's amazing how the mind can convince us of things that aren't really true.