3 Steps

While meeting with my counselor, I asked her if there were some techniques I could use to redirect negative thoughts. The kind of thoughts that sometimes send me into a downward spiral. She gave me three steps to help work through those thoughts. I think the steps may be helpful to others.

1. Identify the negative thought. Write it down as quickly as you can after it comes into your mind. The quicker you start to resolve the thought, the less likely it is to drag you down. Identify it then write it down. Carry a little notebook around where you can write things down.
2. Challenge the Thought. Ask yourself, is that really true? Check it with reality. Be especially cautious of "mind-reading" (assuming you know what someone else is thinking). If you can't come to a positive resolution on the negative thought, then ask someone else for help thinking it through.
3. Modify the Thought. Fix the problem. Act on the solutions you came up with when you challenged the thought.

Here's an example of using the above method...and yes I'm going to take a mistake from my own life and share it with the world. 

Last year in our primary we took time to spot light a few of the children every Sunday. In Senior primary the kids want it to be a guessing game so I don't say the persons name, I just read about the person. On this particular day it was my turn to conduct. Being so new at my calling I still did't know several of the children. It was the last Sunday of the year and we only had a few names left to do. Well I went right along and did great spotlighting kids/teachers until I got to one of the girls.  About half-way through the primary kids figured out who it was. Her mom (who is her teacher) promptly spoke up and guess what, that girl wasn't there! I had spotlighted her...the very last spotlight of the year...and she wasn't there! It's something I'm sure she had waited for all year and I totally blew it. I felt so bad. I should have verified that she was there. Earlier I asked someone else if she was there and was told her mom was there, I shouldn't have assumed that meant she was there too. I made a mistake and it's been eating at me. So, here's the process my counselor walked me through.

1. Identify the negative thought.  My negative thought was that I had made a big mistake on the spotlight of that girl, that the girl would feel bad, and the mom wasn't happy with me for it. (Do you see the mind reading...I'm good at it)
2. Challenge the thought. Do I really know that the girl's feelings will be hurt? Do I really know that her mom wasn't happy? Did I really make a mistake? I had asked someone else for help. I couldn't answer those questions in a way that made me feel ok. So, I talked it over with my counselor and a friend. They helped me to come up with solutions, such as, ask the mom how she felt about it or redo the spotlight when the girl was there.
3. Modify the thought. In this instance I still think I made a mistake, which I realize is ok. Now though I have the tools to fix it, I can go talk to the mom about it and redo the spotlight if needed.

There's an example of how to use the process. I think it's one that takes LOTS of practice but it's a good process to go through. 

Hold on for the Ride

Today I thought I'd share with you a little example of how all of this bipolar roller coaster feels for me. So, here we go.

Depressed - When I'm down at the bottom it's like the lights are all off, more than just off -- it's pitch black. This deep, dark feeling comes over me and life feels worthless. I feel in total despair. It's a feeling that aches inside. It's a feeling that I want to get rid of but no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to do it. I cling on to anyone or anything that I think might pull me out. Sometimes I feel like I wear people out with how much I turn to them for help. Everything in my life seems negative, I feel like a complete pessimist. It's a hard stage to be in and  hard to explain to others. It's so much worse than just a bad day and it seems like it will never end.

Normal - During the "normal" times it feels like the lights are on. Going from depression to normal feels like a ray of sunshine has come into my life. I feel joy and happiness. Laughter comes easy. I love to play with my boys and tease them. I am full of HOPE! The despair and darkness are gone. It's an incredibly wonderful, peaceful feeling. It's a welcome relief from the depressing feelings. Life is worth living! I can actually write a post like this because I can see life as wonderful.

Hypomanic - Honestly, this is my FAVORITE mood. It's like I'm at a dance party with the music blasting, the lights spinning, everybody dancing. It's great and it can go on for days and I don't get tired. I LOVE it! When I'm down I think back on those hypomanic times and wish they would come back. I feel like I can do anything. I can solve the world's problems. Right now as I type this I still wonder what's so bad about the hypomanic phase. Yeah I feel a little out of control, but it's fun! Shopping is fun (which is incredible because I really don't like going shopping). I work on cool house projects and get TONS done. The problem is, from the view of my husband, it causes the depression to kick in. But oh it feels great!