Out of Love

It seems to me that I'm being reminded a lot that "we're doing this out of love". I think it's a phrase I need to learn to accept. I'm pushed a little harder to take new medications....out of love. I'm encouraged to keep going...out of love. I'm persuaded to talk to my doctor...again...out of love. So many things have happened that all remind me how much others love me and care. Yes, there are some days that I think the last reason someone is pushing me along is out of love. How could someone who loves me encourage me to do something that seems near impossible? How could they encourage me to do something when they don't understand how I feel at all. But in reality, when I step back and look, they are truly cheering me on. They can see things from a different point of view. They love me and know what I can become and they know I can conquer this. I just need to remember that it's all out of love. I need to be patient when my friend reminds me to fight back. I need to be patient when my doctor suggests a new medication to try. I need to be patient when my husband asks how I'm really doing then gives me the look because he already knows. They aren't conspiring against me...even though some days it really feels like it...in reality they love me and they want to help me.

I think our Heavenly Father is the same way. Everything He does for us is out of love. Everything He expects of us is out of love. He sees who we can become. He knows where we have been and He knows where we are going. He knows our potential. He understands how we feel and yet he still sees our potential. He loves us so much that He gives us trials, to help us grow and...because He loves us!

Tender Mercies

A couple months ago, I gave a talk on mercy, specifically on the tender mercies of the Lord in our lives. We were short on time so I wasn't able to share one part of my talk. The part I wasn't able to share is how tender mercies play a role in our trials. I really believe that one of the times we will see the largest amount of tender mercies in our lives is during our trials. Looking for tender mercies during our trials can buoy us up and help us through the refiner's fire.

Elder Bednar, in a talk called "The Tender Mercies of the Lord", said

"The Lord's tender mercies do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence. Faithfulness, obedience, and humility, invite tender mercies into our lives, and it is often the Lord's timing that enables us to recognize and treasure these important blessings."

I believe that tender mercies that come during our trials are not a coincidence at all. The fact that I was able to find a better doctor because of a meeting I went to was not a coincidence. It was not a coincidence that I have received phone calls at critical moments of this trial. That texts have come when I've needed them most. That one of my boys has given me a hug without knowing that I really needed one. Tender mercies are all around us!

During one particular difficult night, I woke in the middle of the night with this trial heavy on my mind. As I struggled through I finally climbed out of bed and knelt down. I offered up to Heavenly Father the most fervent prayer of my life. As I did so, I immediately felt peace overcome me. Enough peace to help me through the night. He didn't fix my trial, but he provided me comfort to make my load a little easier. The Lord's timing in that experience showed me that this was a tender mercy sent from the Lord.

It can be so hard to look around us during our trials and see how much the Lord is lifting us up and supporting us. However, if we take the time to do so, our burdens will be lighter. I am so grateful for the tender mercies of the Lord in my life. Noticing those tender mercies has made my burden lighter.

You can do it!

Recently I received a new calling. It's a busy one that will push me outside my comfort zone. The amazing part about this calling is that Heavenly Father has blessed me with a sure knowledge that I can do this calling and that he wants me in this calling. Honestly with how bad some days are it is a wonder to me that I can do anything, let alone take on new responsibilities. Many days I feel like I fail at the responsibilities that I already have, let alone new ones. Heavenly Father knows me so well that he knew I would question some days if I can really do all that is expected of me. He blessed me with a huge tender mercy when, after a very special experience, he left me with a knowledge that he has confidence in me and in what I can accomplish. He trusts me and won't ask me to do more than is possible. It's already not been easy. There have been days when I've needed to get things done and I've had a hard time getting myself to do them. There have been days when I have felt completely overwhelmed with everything in life. However, somehow I've managed to keep going and to do what I've been asked to do. I'm so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who knows how to lift and strengthen us! A Heavenly Father who reminds me "you can do it"!

He Knows Us Better

In church on Sunday, one of the speakers said "Heavenly Father knows us better than we even know ourselves". Thinking about that comment made me realize how true that is. I think I know myself pretty well, but Heavenly Father knows me even better. He knows how far I can stretch. He knows exactly what will help me to learn and grow the most. He is all knowing, he knows how to make me a better person. A person worthy of all his gifts. He will never ask me to do something that he knows I cannot do. The key is trusting him enough to accept that fact. To accept that he will send us trails but that we handle them if we turn to him. I'm so grateful for an all knowing Father in Heaven who knows me better than I know myself.

What love is all about

To complete my theme on "How can I help", I have to talk about my husband. I have been blessed with the most supportive husband ever. He hasn't judged me once with all I have gone through. He hasn't complained when I'm having a hard time. When I'm talking nonsense, he still listens quietly and lets my say what I have to say. He has hidden notes for me reminding me how much he loves me. He has brought me home flowers and chocolates.

He was willing to call and scheduled an appointment with a counselor for me because he knew I wouldn't do it on my own. He went with me to that first appointment and helped me explain what was going on. Then when I was sent to a new doctor, he went with me again to help me explain better. He's given me priesthood blessings when I needed them most. He's been there when I've cried because it's just too hard. He's done laundry for me, cooked, cleaned, taken care of boys, done everything I needed him to do. He is a HUGE blessing in my life and I honestly don't know where I would be without him.

When he is away I miss him even more. There is an empty spot in my heart when he leaves for trips, but it's a good thing because it reminds me of how much he really does to help me and buoy me up. I love him with all my heart! He shows me every day what love is all about.

Supportive Family

Recently I sent an email out to my extended family, sharing with them what I have been struggling with. The love and support that I felt from them in their responses was priceless. I'm so grateful we have family to help us through our trials.  Family has helped me through this in so many ways. Here are just a few:

• Sent letters encouraging me to keep going
• Gave me a quote for my wall "Life doesn't have to be perfect to be wonderful"
• Sent texts asking how I was doing
• Sent texts that made me laugh (my brothers are especially great at that)
• Emails that came just when I've needed them, even if they were small and simple messages, some have been tender mercies from the Lord
• Responded to my long, hard to read through emails
• Tried to understand even though they haven't felt the same way before
• Understood because they've been through it too
• Read books to help them understand better what I was going through
• Given powerful priesthood blessings
• Called me to just say hi and see how I'm doing
• Called me because they knew I was having a bad day
• Told me I can call them anytime
• Reminded me over and over that they love me no matter what
• Dragged me (almost kicking and screaming) to a counselor
• Listened when I needed it most

All the little things my family has done help so much. I love them so much and am so blessed to have each one of them in my life.

True Friendship

The theme I've been focusing on, "How Can I Help" wouldn't be complete without mentioning a wonderful friendship that has come from this trial. We were already friends before, we had been swapping date night babysitting for a year. However, this trial has made our friendship even stronger.

I will never forget the day I shared with my friend that I was struggling with depression. She was so understanding about all I was going through. She didn't hesitate a moment to help me. She has been a true example to me of Christ-like love. There have been so many times she has come to my rescue. I've shared a lot with her of what goes through my mind and yet she still doesn't judge me and she  keeps on being my cheerleader through it all. "You got this" is my favorite catch phrase she says to cheer me along. I have sent her countless emails that she replies to with words of encouragement, reminders of the power of our Savior and the strength that comes from Him, and lots of great advice to help me out. She has knocked at my door multiple times to be my "distraction" for a little bit. I have so many memories of things she has done to help me that it would take multiple posts to cover them all. She has helped to lift this trial in my life so it's not so heavy.

I know she doesn't want to be in the spot light so I won't go on too much longer, but I have to share one of my most cherished memories. On one particular hard day, my husband was trying to decide whether he should go to work or not because of how I was that day. She called me that morning and I answered in tears. After some coordinating she decided to come over to my house. She arrived at my house shortly after with her makeup in her hands because she was not wanting to leave me alone for too long. We went to the library together. Then her wonderful husband watched the kids while we went to lunch, helped set things up for a Relief Society activity, and did some grocery shopping together. I will never forget that day and the true friend she was and still is today.

This post wouldn't be complete without a little shout out to her husband. That day she and I went and spent time together, not only did he watch the kids but he fed them lunch and even got my Kindergartner on the bus. He too has been a blessing through this trial. He's helped my husband give me blessings, he's watched kids while my friend and I went to lunch, he's helped in so many ways. I am so grateful for him.

To me this is what friendship is all about and I don't know what I do without this friend in my life. Thank you so much friend!!!