Those who know me, know I am a perfectionist. They know that I want to appear perfect (my version of perfect) to everyone. A friend lovingly suggested that pride was a part of that quest for perfection. Her gentle suggestion reminded me of the scripture in Proverbs that says "Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall". Pride has been a huge impact on all of my struggles and has caused some of this trial to come upon me. I'm beginning to realize that my quest for perfection is pride because I was doing it for all the wrong reasons. I was trying to be perfect for my parents, siblings, friends, everyone but our Heavenly Father. I've been served a gigantic piece of humble pie. As I've been reading "Believing Christ" I've also realized that I've been convinced my whole life that I could be perfect on my own. I never would have grasped that without this trial. I needed this trial to humble me and make me realize that it is impossible for me to be perfect on my own. I need the Savior in my life, I need to be humble, I need to repent of my pride and MANY other short comings. I need to have faith in Him and more fully dedicate myself to Him. Granted I've still got a LONG way to go in all this. I can't change overnight but I think recognizing all of this is the first step.
In the last general conference, President Uchtdorf said we need to "see others the way our Heavenly Father sees us: as flawed and imperfect mortals who have potential and worth far beyond our capacity to imagine". I think I can apply that to others as well as myself. I need to see MYSELF the way Heavenly Father sees me. He knows I am imperfect and yet He continues to love me.
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