Losing Hope

About a month ago my doctor lowered the dosage of one of my medications. We were hoping that would help me no longer need a 2-3 hour nap In the middle of the day. She lowered it on the condition that if some of my other symptoms began to worsen then I would call her. That's when the perfect storm began.

My sleepiness decreased some but shortly after my symptoms worsened. They were mild though and I thought manageable so I never called my doctor. Then a few weeks in a friend shared with me some news that was really hard to take. It had a big impact on all my thoughts. I couldn't quit thinking about that news. That's when the last piece of the perfect storm hit, lack of sleep. My mind was so consumed with this piece of news that I went to bed thinking about it and woke up way too early thinking about it.

After a couple weeks something snapped inside me and I couldn't take it anymore. I lost all hope and my mild symptoms turned into something I could not control. It gave my husband and I a big scare. At that point I lost all hope. I didn't believe that Heavenly Father truly cared anymore. I couldn't understand why He was doing all of this to me. I was angry at His plan for my life. I didn't understand any of it. The anger built up inside me. Eventually I reached a point where I didn't care about anything anymore. I was ready to quit.

After some encouragement and a big scare I finally agreed to call my doctor. After a few days the medication changes started working. That's when I could somewhat see The Lord working in my life to make me understand and see that He really cares and is looking out for me.

I've had a friend who has taken me under her wing. As I shared my story with her she's been such a blessing to help me see that everything will work out. It still won't be the way I want it to be, but it will be ok. I had another friend call me just because she felt like she needed to. After sharing with her she showed up at my door the next day with some delicious fruit. I have another friend who has no idea what is going on in my life. She randomly called me to see if I wanted to go walking with her once a week. Another friend who knew I was struggling called me just to check in on me. Plus I had a chance to talk with my friend who shared the news and that helped immensely. As I look at these friends I realize that all of them are tender mercies from The Lord. I may not like His plan right now, in fact I'm dragging my feet about it, but He is doing his best to show me that He won't leave me alone.