The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide

My husband and I have read several books about depression and bipolar in hopes of figuring out the best ways to help me. The book I have loved the most and highly recommend is "The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide: What You and Your Family Need to Know".

This book is full of great information on what bipolar is; how to recognize signs of mania or depression; medication information, and so many other great resources. I have learned more from this book than any of the other books I have read on bipolar. It has been an excellent guide on how to get through this battle and make life a little more doable.

Mood Tracking

Tracking my mood has been a HUGE help to me. I highly recommend to anyone struggling with depression, bipolar, or other mental health issues to start tracking your moods. You have to be honest in this process. Mood tracking has been a great way for me to figure out some of the things that trigger my ups and my downs.

I have tried a few different methods of tracking my moods, by far the most helpful is a mood chart that tracks medications, sleeps, daily events, and moods. Here is a link to that chart:

http://www.manicdepressive.org/moodchart.html

It has been a great tool to be able to look back on and see where I've been. Now I can look at where I've been and hope that I will continue to improve from there.

Modern Medicine

One of my loves is family history research. While researching I came across a cousin of my great-grandfather. Her name was Bessie. Everything we had heard about Bessie before then was she had traveled to Europe and while there became ill and passed away. However, I was able to find her death certificate. She died at the age of 36 in the Bloomingdale Hospital in New York, not in Europe. What's more, I researched Bloomingdale Hospital and discovered it was an insane asylum. The asylum was very expensive so only those with money could afford to be there. Her death certificate listed that contributory to her cause of death was "dementia praecox" which is Schizophrenia.

From what I gather out of all this is, Bessie had Schizophrenia. Her parents loved her so much they sent her to the best asylum they could to help her. However, they didn't want to let others know what was going on so they told others she was in Europe studying music.

Thinking about Bessie, I started to apply her situation to myself. Doing so made me so grateful for modern medicine. Because of modern medicine, I can take a few pills and feel ok again. I don't have to leave my family for years to work through my mental health problems.

I'm also very grateful for the world we live in today that is becoming more accepting of the idea that mental health issues are real. They are not something made up in the minds of those who suffer from them.

I guess it could be a whole lot worse....

Guilt or Repentance

In Sunday School, someone posed the question "Do I live my life by guilt or by repentance?" How would I answer that question, how would each of us answer that question? One thing that I know has contributed to my struggles is the expectation I have of myself to be PERFECT! I am the first to admit that I am a perfectionist. I have always wanted to see myself as perfect and for others to see me as perfect. When I fall short of that goal, I beat myself up over it.

Over the past few months, I have discovered that I was trying my hardest to be perfect on my own. When I did make mistakes I felt huge guilt, even over the smallest things. I always have known I can turn to the savior for the BIG mistakes, you know the ones that everyone knows are really bad. However, on all the others, I have spent too much time beating myself up over those mistakes. In reality I was living "my life by guilt" NOT "by repentance". The past few months I have really learned the importance of turning to our Savior to repent. There is no need for me to spend my days feeling guilty about all my mistakes, large or small. Instead I should focus more on repenting and learning from my mistakes.

Unique Temptations

Recently in Sunday School, someone suggested that we all have our own temptations. Those temptations are as unique as we are and are tailored to our specific weaknesses. I truly believe that. I believe that Satan knows our weaknesses and the best way to tempt us. He knows that he will never get me to smoke a cigarette, that just won't happen. He knows there is no reason to tempt me with that because that is not my weakness. However I firmly believe he is taking full advantage of the chemical problems going on in my brain. He knows they are my weakness and he is trying his hardest to customize his temptations for me.

In Ether 12:27 it says:

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weaknesses. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

So the cool part in all this is even though Satan knows our weaknesses and tailors our temptations to them, the Lord has power to fix that! If we humble ourselves and have faith, He can take those weaknesses and make them stronger. He can make those weaknesses become stronger so that Satan cannot easily tempt us because of those weaknesses. All the more reason to turn to our Heavenly Father and our Savior when the worst temptations and trials come along.

Become a Pioneer

pi-o-neer:
1. A person who is among the first to explore or settle a new country or area

2. A person who is among the first to research and develop a new area of knowledge or activity

Being that Pioneer Day is this coming week, the talks in church today were on pioneers. As I sat and listened to those talks, I realized that all of us can be pioneers in our own lives and families. There is something every one of us can contribute to our families that makes us a pioneer. Thinking about that today helped me understand, that through this blog and through my having bipolar, I have a great opportunity to be a pioneer to myself, my family, and hopefully others. I am learning so many new things through this trial in my life and I have loved the opportunity to share them with family and friends. In some ways I feel like I'm paving the way for others, perhaps my own children. I pray that none of my children or descendants ever face the struggles that having bipolar can bring. However, bipolar is hereditary. While I can't prevent them from facing this in their own lives, I can be a "pioneer" in my family in helping them to understand bipolar and how to keep fighting.

Also, while I pondered on pioneers, I realized that Christ is the greatest pioneer of us all.  He has done everything for us, He has paved the way for us to follow. His perfect example directs us on the path to return to our Father in Heaven. His atonement gives us the power to get back on that path when we fall off. His resurrection guarantees that all of us will also be resurrected. I can think of no better "pioneer" in my life. I am so grateful for the great pioneer that our Savior is to all of us.

Courage to Accept

In a recent Sacrament meeting we sang As Now we take the Sacrament. The words "and silently we pray for courage to accept thy will" really stuck out to me. I have really struggled with accepting that what I have is bipolar. I have tried to convince myself and others that this is anything but bipolar. However, in reality deep inside I know that all the evidence points to that diagnosis. That doesn't make it easy to swallow. As I pondered on the words in that song I realized that I need to pray more to have the COURAGE to accept that what I am going through is what Heavenly Father wants. I need to accept that He is using this to refine me and make me stronger, but it is still so hard to accept. Accepting all of this takes a huge amount of COURAGE on my part.

• Courage to accept that maybe I'm not as perfect as I want to be 
• Courage to accept that I am not as perfect as everyone thinks I am
• Courage to accept that I cannot control everything that goes on with me
• Courage to accept Heavenly Father's way of helping us to grow
• Courage to accept what my doctor says I need to be doing
• Courage to accept that I really cannot do this on my own

When it comes down to it, life requires courage. The best way to gain that courage is through prayer.