You'll Never Walk Alone

Recently I was reminded of the song You'll Never Walk Alone from the musical "Carousel". I love the words of inspiration found in that song:

When you walk through a storm
Keep your chin up high
And don't be afraid of the dark.
At the end of the storm
Is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark.

Walk on through the wind,
Walk on through the rain,
Tho' your dreams be tossed and blown.Walk on, walk on
With hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone,
You'll never walk alone.

If we keep walking on, holding our chins up, we won't walk alone. Even during our hardest times, if we have hope and faith, we will see light at the end. After the storm, comes the sunshine. If we can ENDURE through the storm then we will see the sunshine at the end. 

Don't let failure nag you!

This week, as I walked to the mailbox, I kept thinking about everything I failed to do over the summer. The summer came and went and I felt like I missed out on so many chances to teach my boys. School is back in session and I won't get this summer back. I felt like a failure.

As I opened up the mailbox, I found a letter from the Relief Society presidency, wishing me a happy birthday. In the envelope was a quote, which really stood out to me. I glanced at the quote and the 3rd line seemed to be all I saw. That line said "I hope that you will not nag yourselves with thoughts of failure...". Those words that stuck out to me were from President Hinckley. I think that was a tender mercy from the Lord reminding me that I don't have to be perfect. Also reminding me that I need to stop nagging myself about being a failure. I need to accept that I did my best and try to do better in the future.

Here is the quote in full "I feel to invite women everywhere to rise to the great potential within you. I do not ask that you reach beyond your capacity. I hope that you will not nag yourselves with thoughts of failure...I hope you will simply do what you can do in the best way you know. If you do so you will witness miracles come to pass" -President Gordon B. Hinckley

The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide

My husband and I have read several books about depression and bipolar in hopes of figuring out the best ways to help me. The book I have loved the most and highly recommend is "The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide: What You and Your Family Need to Know".

This book is full of great information on what bipolar is; how to recognize signs of mania or depression; medication information, and so many other great resources. I have learned more from this book than any of the other books I have read on bipolar. It has been an excellent guide on how to get through this battle and make life a little more doable.

Mood Tracking

Tracking my mood has been a HUGE help to me. I highly recommend to anyone struggling with depression, bipolar, or other mental health issues to start tracking your moods. You have to be honest in this process. Mood tracking has been a great way for me to figure out some of the things that trigger my ups and my downs.

I have tried a few different methods of tracking my moods, by far the most helpful is a mood chart that tracks medications, sleeps, daily events, and moods. Here is a link to that chart:

http://www.manicdepressive.org/moodchart.html

It has been a great tool to be able to look back on and see where I've been. Now I can look at where I've been and hope that I will continue to improve from there.

Modern Medicine

One of my loves is family history research. While researching I came across a cousin of my great-grandfather. Her name was Bessie. Everything we had heard about Bessie before then was she had traveled to Europe and while there became ill and passed away. However, I was able to find her death certificate. She died at the age of 36 in the Bloomingdale Hospital in New York, not in Europe. What's more, I researched Bloomingdale Hospital and discovered it was an insane asylum. The asylum was very expensive so only those with money could afford to be there. Her death certificate listed that contributory to her cause of death was "dementia praecox" which is Schizophrenia.

From what I gather out of all this is, Bessie had Schizophrenia. Her parents loved her so much they sent her to the best asylum they could to help her. However, they didn't want to let others know what was going on so they told others she was in Europe studying music.

Thinking about Bessie, I started to apply her situation to myself. Doing so made me so grateful for modern medicine. Because of modern medicine, I can take a few pills and feel ok again. I don't have to leave my family for years to work through my mental health problems.

I'm also very grateful for the world we live in today that is becoming more accepting of the idea that mental health issues are real. They are not something made up in the minds of those who suffer from them.

I guess it could be a whole lot worse....

Guilt or Repentance

In Sunday School, someone posed the question "Do I live my life by guilt or by repentance?" How would I answer that question, how would each of us answer that question? One thing that I know has contributed to my struggles is the expectation I have of myself to be PERFECT! I am the first to admit that I am a perfectionist. I have always wanted to see myself as perfect and for others to see me as perfect. When I fall short of that goal, I beat myself up over it.

Over the past few months, I have discovered that I was trying my hardest to be perfect on my own. When I did make mistakes I felt huge guilt, even over the smallest things. I always have known I can turn to the savior for the BIG mistakes, you know the ones that everyone knows are really bad. However, on all the others, I have spent too much time beating myself up over those mistakes. In reality I was living "my life by guilt" NOT "by repentance". The past few months I have really learned the importance of turning to our Savior to repent. There is no need for me to spend my days feeling guilty about all my mistakes, large or small. Instead I should focus more on repenting and learning from my mistakes.

Unique Temptations

Recently in Sunday School, someone suggested that we all have our own temptations. Those temptations are as unique as we are and are tailored to our specific weaknesses. I truly believe that. I believe that Satan knows our weaknesses and the best way to tempt us. He knows that he will never get me to smoke a cigarette, that just won't happen. He knows there is no reason to tempt me with that because that is not my weakness. However I firmly believe he is taking full advantage of the chemical problems going on in my brain. He knows they are my weakness and he is trying his hardest to customize his temptations for me.

In Ether 12:27 it says:

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weaknesses. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

So the cool part in all this is even though Satan knows our weaknesses and tailors our temptations to them, the Lord has power to fix that! If we humble ourselves and have faith, He can take those weaknesses and make them stronger. He can make those weaknesses become stronger so that Satan cannot easily tempt us because of those weaknesses. All the more reason to turn to our Heavenly Father and our Savior when the worst temptations and trials come along.